FartyBumBumGuff

Game mode so laggy I can't shoot an NPC, gangs of cheaters roaming around grabbing all the eggs for themselves, enemy will teleport on top of me as soon as I get a single egg. Can't get near the man with the stupid gun. Loads of fun. Last year as a cop I was able to collect a lot of eggs because people were only going after the egg lord, this year I get shot constantly even when not carrying any eggs.

What do you mean by crashing districts? The name is familiar.

I saw this while perusing the news. Decision on bid to increase sentence of man who kept shed in filthy shed.

I expected to be able to collect JT like on the christmas event. It's pointless otherwise, no matter how many outfits and words you can win.

I see you already know some of her family. That's her cousin, he's known as FlabbyTits. He's a bit deranged, he ate a skip full of fermented fruit then tried dumpster diving for dessert behind the paint shop. I think the paint chemicals killed what little brain cells he has left. She can't remember his real name and when you ask him, he just shouts pies. Pies is all he ever says, sometimes he just walks around shouting pies. You might see him stood in front of a lamp post yelling pies at it. Sometimes though people actually give him pies so maybe he's not as mad as we think he is.

Found this lovely young lady in a skip behind smile burger. We went on out for a tour of the citys alleyways and dumpsters for a lovely meal. Found loads of slime burgers, fried green chicken and festering kebabs, even found a bit of pizza with extra cockroach. She sure has a healthy appetite.

Saturday I tried for 40mins to complete a mission and kept getting kicked back to log in screen before I could finish one, I was doing really well too, getting kills and medals, rescuing teammates from handcuffs, shooting the whole enemy team (it was only a team of two) and completing objectives. The internet wasn't disconnecting, I don't know what it was. I decided to go mug and loot instead, apart from losing connection one time with 14k it stayed on after that and I looted over 200k to 12.6 million. Last night I was just chilling in social district drinking me guinness foreign extra when someone comes on chat I need 321K. Feeling bloody rich I gave them the cash then they came back wanting another 200K, then another 100 and finally a 50. I recognised them from a mission the other day, they were a reasonably easy to shoot level 50 cop so I didn't mind. Gave away some cars, ended up dropping at least 850k. Everyone thinks I'm chuffing Santa now, I had to switch characters to the Abominator so I could get some peace, then I gave myself away in the chat by asking for 321K and the trade requests with the Abominator started. I had to explain officer Abominator is poor, he has no money, well sub 180K, peanuts, he has peanuts.

greaseproof underwear, 90% less chance of getting stuck up the arse crack.

She was like a candle in the wind...unreliable.

Blood, blood, blood... and bits of sick. I ran the only way I knew how, by placing one leg in front of the other in quick succession. As I rounded the corner I felt muscular and compact, like corned beef.

I used it on a mission for the first time last night, opponent had a long range rifle and I needed to get closer. It was that area with all the bridges and that strange little building you can run through in Financial. He was on the opposite side of the bridges, as soon as the building was between us I hit the button and gave it legs through the building, when I came out the other side he was running towards a bridge with his back to me to flank me, I shot him in the back. I imagine he must have thought I'd teleported if he isn't aware of the epipen. Towards the end of the mission he was on the roof though and I ran around the thing for ages but couldn't find a way up. I'll be using it all the time from now on.

I don't think I've ever heard it, I have the sound off most of the time, radio or TV on instead or talking to people. Sometimes when doing missions I'll twiddle some knobs on the mixer to include a bit of game sound, but it's pointless anyway as nobody dies when I shoot them, they just shoot me back and then I die instead.

All I get is matches against bullet sponges who don't die no matter how much I shoot them yet they clip me and that's it, I can't even reach cover, as soon as they start shooting I'm dead before I can move two steps to the side and I'm running for fucks sake. I give up trying to shoot anyone on this game, just turn up, stand there and die, spawn in car 3 times for JT then go AFK. I got 1 kill last night and 4/5 matches got me 0 points. Sometimes you have a knob head team mate who only shoots people on his own team.

Maintain social distancing at all times, even when mugging. Be safe.

Play against top gold all day and get zero kills, zero points for missions unless they stay back and let you complete an objective. Go mug folks to level up instead, it's much quicker. If you're a cop you're screwed, can't level up at all.

I had a screenshot from social district that I decided not to post because of that sort of thing. I'm a sing a nice song about a farmer I heard on the radio, it goes... Him farmer a scooby dooby doo he pots the brown, he'll lick your bum bum down. Me man widdy PC has gone away for the weekend so no APB for me until Sunday. When I get back I'll look into placing an Ivan Dobsky on every billboard in Social district to cleanse the eyes of these inadequately dressed heathens.

2 bronze against aimbotting gold player with a pistol that kills us instantly but shows as an assault rifle on the respawn screen, I didn't give a shit anyway, only doing missions for spawn in car JT, complete a mission JT, and tag or radar jam players JT daily tasks. Had someone come round who knew about these things, he's been a mod on other games and he said the opponent was definitely using hacks. I was using his phone again so there was no lag but I got zero kills doing missions last night because of these hacking twats.

Most of these were taken in the early hours of the morning in quiet districts after I'd done my missions for the day. In Citadel there are usually a couple of full ones earlier on, a couple half full and a couple almost empty. Would it be possible to log into Jericho if I use a VPN?

Screenshot dump, I always forget my USB jobbie, I got a new vegas 4x4, I like to park it up high. Looking for the made in china label, why doesn't this gun kill anyone but other people shoot me in 0.2 seconds with it, they must have sold me a cheap fake:- Driving with levitation and telekinesis again, just had the seats cleaned:- BROWN TROUSERS:- Ivan Dobsky the meatsafe murderer on his spacehopper Mr Hoppy (Google tells me some of you may know them as a hoppety hop, hippety hop or a sit 'n' bounce). He just wants a fish:- Crim Cabs- The Boss Cab the abomination that is the Abominator appeared, threatened to abominate everyone and everything but abominated nothing but the back of his pants

Original music re-scored from Fur Tv lyrics track by MC Hammer

I don't understand, press esc and select chat and you can type stuff, do you mean voice chat? I have no idea how that works and can't be bothered with it anyway but on youtube videos people are talking to each other, I think you need discord on or something.

Mine's behind the door Merged. Old and worn out, got a few hairs missing

Carry on. I had no words for the sausage gobbler, I still don't, I tried, clicked the link a few times and stared at the keyboard, words failed me.

Somebody brought unlimited phone internet round, it's faster than the free wifi. I didn't have to fight my car for control and I shot everyone, two blitzkreig medals, one mission. I actually ran out of ammo before dying for once, nearly levelled up my contact. The opposition shot us up a few times too so it was fairly evenly matched, we won some and lost some. I have been popping into social to check my auctions and have a look who's there, I'm seeing a lot of players below rank 60 at the moment, one on 11. I've been putting a crim cab and crackvan in the auction for $1 every day and they always sell for up to 50,000.

mmm lots of shiny car