Hello and welcome to the Overseer's ordinance!
Today I am introducing new Balance Changes with Forum Boss patch 1.0:
Get your barrier cream ready!
Colby .45 AP: We're gonna be really transparent with this one! We've decided to grant invisibility when the .45 is equipped. You may also now purchase the primary variant and utilize the newly added green, akimbo character mod to use the weapons in tandem. With this change, we believe that other aspects of the game, i.e., creativity and customization, will really shine through and into your gameplay.
DMR-AV: When equipped with the Colby .45 AP, Thanos becomes available as a summonable ally. This maintains the natural balance of forces, ensuring that the akimbo playstyle does not overly dominate the streets of San Paro.
Twerk Emote: We heard your concerns about getting killed while trying to type /twerk on your enemies (and glazing like an old man standing frozen at a credit card terminal when that infernal beeping noise, wearing the namesake of 'nothing', persists), especially when your teammate crashed and the stars aligned against you, with the moon casting an ominous summer shade at the supremely worst possible cosmic moment. So, we've added this emote to the game! You'll also get 5 seconds of invulnerability to show off your moves and have fun. This emote costs 576 G1C and will be available in the Armas Marketplace.
Decision-making update: With the recent implementation of Brightcycle's logic 2.0 algorithm, the code malfunctioned and caused 1.000 player(s) to disconnect precisely when their teammate made the decision in their mind to ready up (default: K). This crowd has recently become very vocal about the distress an impromptu solo mission caused, so we've added 10.0 seconds of delay to this function (decision-making) for everyone! — in order to capture that special moment like a dream where you really have the time to think about thinking. We hope to see this improve the flow of the mission districts and reduce the frustration of...
A note on fun and other emetic doo-higgies:
Our team noticed that APB had videos from the dark ages dating back to 2013, watched by millions, where players ramped cars, explored areas designated as 'out-of-bounds', and used other gimmicks that defiled the charm and playability of APB: Reloaded for others! We've decided in the tradition of heroes past to also remove instant teleportation into vehicles, Vegas-4x4 backflips, ramping in the skate park, and also added a barrier for vehicles preventing them from traveling above heights that exceed 50 meters (barrier cream anyone?). Vehicles shall be used only for driving, as intended, and not for flying or other hooliganism. Silly criminal, you aren't Superman y'know!
Any players found to be expressing themselves in violation of fun-clause (ordinance #1397), whereby the game is hitherto reduced to shooting at the Invisible Man with akimbo .45s will immediately be subjected to a violently twerking, 680 x 480 wide .mov of Thanos irremeably covering their field of view. We take these changes seriously and expect the player base to act respectfully; as you would towards the funerary rites for any dying thing.
Anyways, my room has now reached the melting point of chocolate and I cannot pretend I care.
We hope these changes serve you, the community, well!