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The Stories of Our Characters


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#1
Kewlin

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Up front, I would like to request that anyone who doesn’t feel up to reading this entire topic and following the rules in it not post in this thread, and instead post their story in their own thread, as the purpose of this thread is to create an organized setting for people to share their work.

 

 

The purpose of this thread is to create a more organized thread for people to not only share the stories of their characters, but also for us to share our thoughts and critiques of each other’s work. There have been other threads dedicated to similar purposes, but they are generally poorly structured and quickly become difficult to navigate. My intention is to minimize the size of each person’s story via a standardized formatting with spoilers, thus allowing the dialogue between writers to easily be read, and then making stories easily accessible with an index near the start of the thread, sorted by player (and character.)

 

It should be obvious, but I request that all criticism be kept constructive. Any unnecessarily rude comments will be reported and hopefully actioned upon by mods. However, it is my intention that criticism be made, and I greatly appreciate criticism, as it is necessary for us to grow in our skills.

 

RULES: If nothing else, the most important rule for you to follow is putting your story in a spoiler. For those of us who don’t know how to make a spoiler on the forums, you simply need to type [.s.p.o.i.l.e.r.] (without the periods) before your text, and [./.s.p.o.i.l.e.r.] after your text (yet again, without the periods.) Additionally, suggest that you manually censor all filtered words by replacing all letters but the first letter with an asterisk (*) to reduce unintended silliness.

Finally, I ask, though I cannot enforce it, for you to follow the following format, with character information aside from their name being optional.

 

Character Name: (in bold)

 

Story Title: (if applicable, and in bold)*

 

Additional Information:

Spoiler

 

Story:

Spoiler

 

*This is the title of the story. If the story is straight-forward, this may be unnecessary, but in some cases, such as mine where I'm posting my character's journal, this might be helpful.


Edited by Kewlin, 28 May 2016 - 08:28 PM.

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Lethal NL9Map SuggestionsModification ChangesThe Stories of Our CharactersSTAR✪Variants
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#2
Kewlin

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ALLIE:
Allie "Maya" Summers:
Costs of repair
 
Cazadora:
Dinah "Cazadora" Myles:
Cracked
Alan Dean Myles:
Lost Words
 
ChellyBean:
Michelle "Chelly" Allen
Lauren Hoyt
David Allen

HELLUCARD:
Martin "Hellucard":
Story of the Lion

JENZ/AMAKA:
Jennifer "Jenz" Bay:
That Crazy Devil

JESTERJACK:
JesterJack

KAHRI:
Kahri
 
KEWLIN:
Vivi Viktoriya:
Vivi's Journal: Part I
Vivi's Journal: Part II
Vivi's Journal: Part III


NOKO¥:
Byeon Bloodrose:
Splinter
 
OKELANIE:
Okelanie "Oke" Lei:
New blood In The Sand, Part I

SADIRA:
Sadira "Nightfall" Inoue

S00THSAYER:
Soothsayer:
Dia de los Muertos

SIXXSTAGESOFMAJIK:
The Story of the 6 stages of Majik


WORD2:
Miranda Varas:
I


Edited by Kewlin, 22 May 2017 - 10:20 AM.

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Lethal NL9Map SuggestionsModification ChangesThe Stories of Our CharactersSTAR✪Variants
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#3
Kewlin

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Reserved


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I just want to help anyone who calls APB home.


#4
Kewlin

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Character Name: Vivian "Vivi" Viktoriya

Story Title: Vivi's Journal: Part I

 

Additional Information

Spoiler

 

Story:

Spoiler

Edited by Kewlin, 19 April 2017 - 05:22 PM.

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#5
Sadira

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Name: Sadira “Nightfall” Inoue
Story Title (if applicable): n/a
Spoiler
+Additional optional information
Spoiler
 
Backstory:
Spoiler

Edited by Sadira, 25 October 2016 - 08:55 PM.

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#6
JesterJack

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JesterJack Backstory and Information:

Spoiler

Edited by JesterJack, 29 May 2016 - 02:38 PM.


#7
Eisena

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In what way are we supposed / allowed to criticize?


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#8
Kewlin

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In what way are we supposed / allowed to criticize?

 

I personally am fine with basically anything as long as I understand that it's not intentionally hurtful, but I come from a background where I'm used to a lot of critique.

 

I didn't mean in any way to say that critique was bad, but I'm sure you understand that people here can be very mean, so basically just try not to be an a-hole.

 

Thanks for the question! :)


Edited by Kewlin, 29 May 2016 - 10:13 AM.

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#9
..GhosT

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My characters story?

 

Everyone thinks hes fat while its just muscles and a thick coat. Sad face.


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#10
Eisena

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I personally am fine with basically anything as long as I understand that it's not intentionally hurtful, but I come from a background where I'm used to a lot of critique.

 

I didn't mean in any way to say that critique was bad, but I'm sure you understand that people here can be very mean, so basically just try not to be an a-hole.

 

Thanks for the question! :)

 

Oh, don't worry I am a total muscet. I just choose to not show it to much.  : ) When criticizing works, I'm basically an editor. Is that what you are looking for? Or are we here just to share stories and comment on the stories itself?

 

I liked your story.


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#11
Gro

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My characters story?

 

Everyone thinks hes fat while its just muscles and a thick coat. Sad face.

 

Good thing is that you don't wear unbuttoned suit jackets.



#12
JesterJack

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Updated with information.

#13
..GhosT

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Good thing is that you don't wear unbuttoned suit jackets.

 

Tried that once to make a payday 2 outfit.

Never again.


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#14
Sadira

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Added my stuff! A lot of stuff was added right out the top of my head, might add/change some stuff later.


Edited by Sadira, 29 May 2016 - 03:19 PM.

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#15
Kewlin

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Oh, don't worry I am a total muscet. I just choose to not show it to much.  : ) When criticizing works, I'm basically an editor. Is that what you are looking for? Or are we here just to share stories and comment on the stories itself?

 

I liked your story.

 

My step-mom is a professional editor, I love editors! The more critique the better as far as I'm concerned. If I disagree with your critique my world won't end. ;P


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#16
Kewlin

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~snip~

 
I like the story, and I didn't notice any errors really, but the main thing that stood out to me as weird is the narrator.
 
So, maybe I'm overthinking this, but it seems like you have an omnipotent narrator, yet there's some weird wording and precluded details. So like, the narrator obviously has basically full knowledge of this story, but almost sounds as if he/she doesn't know if Sadira's in a relationship? and for some reason throws in a source for why it's apparent that her parents' blood hid her living state?

It's nothing major, but I just thought I'd throw it out there.


Overall though, it's a nice backstory.

Edited by Kewlin, 29 May 2016 - 09:04 PM.

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#17
Kewlin

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~snip~

 

There are some grammatical errors I noticed, but you got the character across and I like him. :)

 

If you want any specifics on your grammar, PM me.


Also, nothing major, but I suggest you put the additional information on your character in a spoiler above your story, as per the "additional information" section in my format template.

 

Thanks for sharing!


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I just want to help anyone who calls APB home.


#18
SixxstagesofMajik

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Character Name:  Goes by few different names
Story Title: The Story of the 6 stages of Majik
:pirates:

Spoiler

 

 

Spoiler

 


Edited by SixxstagesofMajik, 06 June 2016 - 03:05 PM.

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How bad i get serious, can talk about Trump gosh darn the politics with the Syrians
You wanna ban immigrants? Start with your wife
You wanna end wih some bullshoot? Start with your life
Before ya judge think
 

#19
Kewlin

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~snip~

 

Interesting idea, I do, however, suggest you proofread it. Sometimes when I know I have issues but I'm having trouble finding them I try to read it out loud.

 

Overall cool though. Is it possible we'll get more info on what's actually going on with these stages? 'Cause it's kinda vague.

 

(Also, you have "The First Stage" kinda' just randomly thrown in there at the top of the body of your text.)


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#20
Word2

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Character Name: Miranda Varas

Story Title: /

 

Additional Information:

Spoiler

 

Story:

Spoiler

Slightly edited, copy pasted story from original thread of Dinian's so I don't lose track of it. Gonna rewrite it soon, as many things don't apply anymore.

 

As for the critique, Kewlin, I might be wrong, but by the time Gkings became one of the dominant gangs on turf, Barbarians were a history.


Edited by Word2, 30 May 2016 - 12:17 PM.

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#21
SixxstagesofMajik

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@Kewlin Thanks and I shall re-read it and check the wording when wake up some more , you will get more details yes as time progresses as well who is telling the story ;)


Majikal PC Tweaks
How bad i get serious, can talk about Trump gosh darn the politics with the Syrians
You wanna ban immigrants? Start with your wife
You wanna end wih some bullshoot? Start with your life
Before ya judge think
 

#22
Hellucard

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( Yeah, based a bit on me. Big woop, wanna fight about it?..In al lseriousness, I hope its decent >__<)

 

Character Name: Martin 'Hellucard'

Additional Information

Spoiler

 

Story Name: Story of the Lion

( Does contain some..nasty stuff. Also some bad writing mistakes I did a few years ago..You have been warned!)

Spoiler


Edited by Hellucard, 31 May 2016 - 03:02 AM.

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  213nseg.jpg - Hellucard

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#23
Kewlin

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Slightly edited, copy pasted story from original thread of Dinian's so I don't lose track of it. Gonna rewrite it soon, as many things don't apply anymore.

 

As for the critique, Kewlin, I might be wrong, but by the time Gkings became one of the dominant gangs on turf, Barbarians were a history.

 

Yeah, it could use some work, but I do like the core story.

 

Also, there is around a year between the Barbarians kidnapping Vivi and the G's raiding the brothel. IDK if that's enough time, but I kinda' figured it was. Also, I never said that the G's were dominant when Vivi joined them. ;P

 

Still, if you think it's an issue, I might play around with changing the timeframe.


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I just want to help anyone who calls APB home.


#24
Ysaline

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this is interesting...... never seen  roleplayers in shooting games before


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#25
Kahri

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Im sure most of you have read this before, it was an entry into the art contest ( whatever happened with that btw ?? )

kahri's story .... http://forums.gamers...ry-image-heavy/
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#26
S00THSAYER

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I'm having fun reading all of these. I'll most likely contribute once I've made up my mind as to what goes where.



#27
S00THSAYER

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Character Name: Soothsayer

 

 

Story Title: Dia de los Muertos

 

Additional Information:

Spoiler

 

Story:

Spoiler

Edited by S00THSAYER, 02 June 2016 - 01:31 PM.


#28
Kewlin

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Kahri, Sooth, I want to read your stories and give comments, I just haven't had the time yet. I'll get around to it soon.

 

Thanks for posting. :)


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#29
Jenz/Amaka

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8.18.2016 - Edited story a bit and tried to fix my horrible writing.

 

I'm no writer due to me being Dyslexic, but I'll write this anyways.

 

Character Name: Jennifer "Jenz" Bay

 

Story Title: That Crazy Devil

 

Additional Information:

Spoiler

 

Story:

Spoiler

Edited by Jenz/Amaka, 26 August 2016 - 12:38 AM.

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#30
Kewlin

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Cool story, cool concept. I don't love the death/gun, god/enforcer metaphor, but I can understand why it's there. The story's cool, but not too serious so as not to be fun.

 

 

 

 

I like the story, but I have some issues with the timeline.

 

First, it's a little weird that not only your character started out as a highschooler, but that you're saying it's common for enforcers to be highschoolers. Maybe I missed something, but I'm pretty sure most of the Tigers and such are post high-school, more college aged people, in fact, I highly doubt it could be legal for an enforcer to be under 18.

 

Second, you say your character was in highschool when or after the C.S.A. passed, but his age is listed as 32 in your information, which means ~14 years have passed. The best we can guess however is that the C.S.A. passed in 2009 and the game's end-game is in ~2013.

 

If you need reference, I'd suggest Word's timeline he just put up, which as far as I can see is pretty accurate:

http://forums.gamers...n-paro-timeline.

 

 

Still, I like the story, but I don't think it's chronologically feasible.

 

 

*EDIT* I will get around to reading yours Kahri, it just looks. . . really long. . . XD


Edited by Kewlin, 03 June 2016 - 04:58 PM.

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#31
Healt

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Character Name: Healt (sometimes stylized as Hevlt or HEVLT)

 

Spoiler

 

Story coming soon


Edited by Healt, 03 August 2016 - 03:40 AM.

/s                                                                                                                                                         


#32
Cazadora

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Character name: Dinah Mary Myles AKA: Cazadora

 

Story title: Cracked

 

Additional information:

Spoiler

 

Extra:

Spoiler

 

Story:

Spoiler

Edited by Cazadora, 25 October 2016 - 05:03 PM.

       

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#33
LunningStooks

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Character Name: MonteSR

 

Story Title: San Paro Nights.

 

Spoiler

 

The following is in progress, written as a rough draft during my lunch. I will finish it, when i'm done at work.

Spoiler

 


Edited by LunningStooks, 17 June 2016 - 02:23 PM.

"It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the blowtorch again"
Crims - StunningLooksFem (Citadel), AdaForPresident(Jericho)Forcers: MonteSr(Jericho), StunningLooks(Citadel) and many more...

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#34
Nevv

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Character Name: Byeon Bloodrose (Nokogiri/Noko)

 

Story Title: Splinter (?)

 

Additional Information:

 

Spoiler

 

Story:

 

Spoiler

 

Something I did in haste for Caza's comic, more of a mish mash of contacts than a story but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The last line is so, so bad.


Edited by Noko¥, 16 June 2016 - 12:57 AM.

Jericho - Nokoe (Criminal) // Nevv (Enforcer)

 

Steam  //  ‎¥outube


#35
Word2

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Wait, what? Neither Seung or Jeung ever mentioned they have any family relative your toon represents in this story.
Zombie is in Breakwater to avoid any conflict that might attract unwanted attention, kinda doubt he would be willing to train another newbie, and while Jeung is in charge of Roses, Sennet and Simeon just overwatch their actions. The real puppetmaster here is Waskawi himself.

yv7Wtyf.jpg

         Dennis Tahdella  Bridgette  Word2  Jenz Kempington  Tamara Gryazneva

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#36
Kewlin

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~snip~

 
I think I'm going to have to agree with Word2 here that there's some stuff that's kinda' weird about this story.
 
In my opinion, strong direct relations to contacts is a big no-no, as it generally doesn't work out well in the bigger picture if you're going to say that your story is in the same APB world that we play in and all of our other stories take place in. Once one person ties a connection to Jueng, it becomes more awkward when someone else has a connection to them. Also, I get that it's hard to look deep into every contact, (all the more reason to avoid them IMO,) but Tyron actually kinda' hates Jueng and Sueng, and IDK why he'd tutor Jueng's cousin. On top of that, Zombie is kinda' a big deal, like, he's one of the founding members of the Gs, and I don't see why he'd be training anyone. . . I mean. . . isn't that what the action district contacts are for?
 
Also, the G-Kings are actually possibly less free than the Roses, as the G-Kings are actually trying to overturn the government to create their own brand of justice, whereas the Roses are kinda' just in crime for the hell of it (to my understanding.) Not to mention, the Roses have Hell night, which is a day of the year where they allow anyone in their ranks to do whatever crimes they want, which the G's would never dream of.

 

. . . Also, she did a couple hundred missions in a few months? If I'm to assume for a second you mean like. . . IDK, four months for example, that's ~120 days, which means she would be doing multiple jobs for the Kings every single day.

 

Additionally, there's no evidence that the G-Kings and Blood Roses are enemies in any way or would allow their members to fight eachother. They're gangs, but gangs aren't anarchies, especially in San-Paro where organized crime almost functions more like militaries than gangs. The G-Kings can't just go having some new member ruining their diplomacy with the Roses by trying to screw with one of their top guys. If the G's ever got wind of this, I'm certain Byeon wouldn't survive a day.

 

Finally, as Word mentioned briefly, Michael Simeone is actually just as much controlled by the Roses as the Roses are by him. Simeone didn't choose to help out the Roses, Luke Waskawi made him. Ultimately, Waskawi pulls most of the strings in San Paro, especially concerning the Blood Roses.

 

 

TL;DR: avoid contacts, not only is it too hard to make a consistent story based around them, but including your character too much with them makes you sound like you're trying too hard to look significant; a strong character is defined by themselves, not their friends.


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I just want to help anyone who calls APB home.


#37
Nevv

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@Word

 

Byeon's role in the Blood Roses was mainly that of an Intelligence Operator like Tyron, but being even less at the forefront as she couldn't fight for s*** back then. Because of her passive role, and disappearance (could've said she went to do something with her degree), I don't really see a need for her to be mentioned by her cousins as she's not part of any major happenings within the Bloodroses anymore.

 

Assuming she disguised herself adequately, the cousins wouldn't have known of her involvement with the G-Kings anyways.

 

Having knowledge of the Blood Rose's inner workings, she could've used that as leverage to suade Zombie into tutoring her.

He's there to "spread the G-King gospel" nonetheless. 

Also, training personnel doesn't necessarily get blood on his hands either.

It isn't ever mentioned that he wouldn't train newbies.

 

I didn't have Waskawi's profile to work with, unfortunately. Would you mind shedding some light on this enigmatic character?

Probably not a great idea to take on the leader of all criminals on your first go.

 

@Kewlin

 

Byeon's not part of the power struggle at the top, leaning towards operating so I think there's still a chance for working with Tyron.

Zombie might be bored from just skating around on literally one ramp for his entire existence lol

Starting Action district contacts seem to be bad at fighting compared to Zombie.

Free from the influence of her cousins and their lackeys at the least, as she was ordered around (having no real mission experience and effectively, no real status within the group).

Was basing missions on in-game numbers, but it's up in the air.

Can't really go up against Simeone without good/advanced combat training.

 

Raids probably wouldn't be full fledged G-King vs Bloodrose conflicts, but disguised sabotage events?

 

Agreed with the last part, I'll probably revise if I have the time.


Edited by Noko¥, 16 June 2016 - 09:09 AM.

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#38
Word2

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Simeone is not a thug, that's why Van Rooyen does (not) stick around. In Waskawi's eyes he was just the right person to step on, as he knows who Simeon was before. Combat training? Got a deathwish? Sign up for Praetorians.
On the other hand Luke and Arlon got together for having similar opinion on the city's current state and its future.
Anyway, killing off Simeon won't change anything. Jeung gonna keep rocking regardless, Sennet will get together with Byron to keep in touch with Waskawi, who will sooner or later find a new puppet to control. Keeping him alive makes more sense to me.

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#39
LunningStooks

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Additionally, there's no evidence that the G-Kings and Blood Roses are enemies in any way or would allow their members to fight eachother. They're gangs, but gangs aren't anarchies, especially in San-Paro where organized crime almost functions more like militaries than gangs. The G-Kings can't just go having some new member ruining their diplomacy with the Roses by trying to screw with one of their top guys. If the G's ever got wind of this, I'm certain Byeon wouldn't survive a day.

 

See Gumballs story. Theres a bit in there about how some roses try to start mommy with him, and he pulls out a golden ACT.44 on them.

 

 

 

One summer, this dude drives by New Cross one of Sujis clan peeps Gumball taking the trucks of a snapped board with some rinky-dink screwdriver. Gumballs flying his more exotic colors that day: G-King hoody, clown makeup, the works. The customization craze in full effect. Mr Bloodrose and his crew dont like clowns much too much joy involved so they pull over and start gosh darning with him. He tells them stop screwing around and sticks the driver through Mr Bloodroses collarbone. Ba-boom tish. But it gets better. Then he pulls the biggest gosh darning ACT44 youve ever seen. Pure gold. Long distance scope. Extended barrel. Not the kind of piece for your typical skater. Turns out Gumballs far from your typical skater.

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#40
Kewlin

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See Gumballs story. Theres a bit in there about how some roses try to start mommy with him, and he pulls out a golden ACT.44 on them.

 

That's a much different level of conflict TBH.


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