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Tales of our Characters

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#1
Dinian 556

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A while back Ravenblade started a Character Bios competition, which actually had a pretty good response but, unfortunately, as Ravenblade's gone MIA, it had no following. I'll try to revamp this event, giving it a bit more structure, but still in the spirit of the original.

So, here's how it goes:

This event will feature rounds of three weeks, during which participants submit their stories. At the end of each round I'll choose the winner as the most creative, entertaining, cool story and i'll write a little feedback to explain why that particular one got my pick.
The winner will then get to chose the theme for the next story, which could be something like "tell us how you got your special car" or "the scariest day of your crim/enf career" and so on.
Afterwards, there will be another three-weeks round for people to submit their stories.
The winners (who chose the round's theme) will not be eligible for winning that specific round, however, nothing stops them from submitting their story anyway, just for a nice read. I'll will submit my stories as well, although they will not be counted when choosing the winner.

Please, keep in mind that, at the end of each round i'll need some time to review all entries and chose a winner (and sometimes picking a winner can be quite the hard choice). Depending on how busy I may get in real life and how fast the winner will choose the new theme, expect a gap of about a week or two between the end of one round and the beginning of the next.
If the selected winner does not respond with a new theme in a week or so, I'll select a new winner.

IMPORTANT:
If you don't like someone's story, either you keep it civil and provide a constructive feedback with pointers on how to improve or, please, just keep it to yourself.
To avoid unnecessary drama, if you wish to include someone else's character in your story, please check with the person and make sure he/she is okay with what happens to their character in your story.


 

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PAST ROUNDS:

Round 5
The day you decided this particular district (choose one) is for you, what happened?

Round 4
Tell the story of how your character choose their signature vehicle (the one you are seen driving most).


Round 3
Some blogger/journalist/curious person approached you for an interview, with questions aimed at understanding WHY you do what you do. Tell us about that episode.


Round 2
Tell the story behind that scar/ tattoo.


Round 1
What happened that shaped your character into becoming a criminal or an enforcer?

 

 

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THIS EVENT IS NO LONGER A COMPETITION OF ANY SORT. THERE WILL BE NO ROUNDS AND NO WINNERS ANYMORE. HOWEVER, YOU'RE STILL WELCOME TO WRITE STORIES ABOUT YOUR CHARACTERS, BE IT AN INTRODUCTORY BIO OR A PARTICULAR EPISODE.

HAVE FUN!


Edited by Dinian 556, 04 April 2015 - 04:49 AM.

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#2
Dinian 556

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Dinian's story

Dinian used to be a small-time thief: breaking into wealthy houses, grabbing valuables and sneaking out before anyone could notice. Nothing really spectacular about it, but it helped paying the rent.
Things changed the night she broke into an office, hoping to steal a few laptops and other fancy IT stuff, but everything went terribly wrong. Not only she found out there were some people still working late that night, but also a bunch of ruthless robbers stormed the office right then. Of course, she decided to just forget about the heist and get the hell out of there, but the robbers spotted her and... well, things really got crazy.
During the wild chase between desks and corridors, she accidentally KO'd one of the robbers, his gun misfired and injured a second, for reasons unknown something exploded, the alarm went off and, confused by all the chaos, the remaining robbers chose to turn tail and run.
As if she didn't have more than enough luck already, those who witnessed the event believed Dinian to be some real badass hero who went after the robbers to save the day. Of course, her response to that was: "Uh... Yeah... right! You're totally right! That's exactly what i did!"
Besides, it kinda felt nice to be the "good guy" for a change. So nice that when the the big guys at Radical Tech Worldwide, the company she "saved", offered to sponsor her own CSA organization, if she ever founded one, she took the opportunity without thinking twice.

Only a month later, Dinian was in charge of a group of highly motivated misfits armed with military grade weapons... and causing all sort of mayhem in the name of the law. They called themselves "Mongoose 4" (M4 for short) because this is what got returned by the random name generator they used.
The initiative was successful at first. After all, the saying "it takes a thief to catch another" proved to be very much true in many occasions. But wasn't long before Radical Tech decided they wouldn't fund M4 anymore, which forced Dinian to close down, get a job as part-time bartender at Rimbaud and live on a diet of cheap instant noodles for the following years.

Now, the situation is a lot less grim.
Thanks to a partnership with 5Works, a sports apparel brand, and the... uh... occasional bribe for looking the other way, Dinian managed to revive her CSA organization. However they're no longer as active in the crime-fighting scene as they pretty much limit themselves to contracts as security for media and entertainment events: a much safer and profitable line of work.

Edited by Dinian 556, 27 March 2014 - 09:25 AM.

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#3
Pachi3080

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Pachi: That stupid enforcer with a gasmask.

One day, "Pachi", was coming home from a party. Walking through the streets of san paro, around 4 or 5 AM, he noticed that someone was following him. That person was coming closer and closer to Pachi, and he had a gun. "Stop right there!" shouted that person aiming Pachi. Pachi got scared and took the gun from his hands quickly and shot him in the face. now "That person" is dead.
That was something that Pachi would regret the rest of his life.
"That person" was an enforcer. A woman in the other side of the street saw what happend.
"It's okay! I'm an enforcer!" shouted Pachi to that woman with the dead enforcer's badge in his hand.
Pachi ran with the gun and the badge to his house. He couldn't believe what he did.

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Next day, he threw the badge and the gun to the sea, in waterfront. Hoping that no one knew the truth.

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Pachi became an enforcer that day, to cover his lie and clean his conscience for his terrible mistake.
Now Pachi is a Preatorian, but works mostly with the Prentiss Tigers in waterfront.

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He can't take his gas mask off without a surgery because someone put superglue in it as a joke.

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Excuse the bad english please. Spanish is my first language.
And your story is awesome, Dinian.

Edited by Pachi3080, 27 March 2014 - 10:36 AM.

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#4
Ruastin

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Placeholder, I Have to make a car and outfit for this lovely thing

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#5
Dinian 556

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Excuse the bad english please. Spanish is my first language.
And your story is awesome, Dinian.

Thanks!
I loved the humor in your story, nice work. ^^
...and don't worry about the language barrier. I'll value the creativity and the ideas in the story, not so much the form.

He can't take his gas mask off without a surgery because someone put superglue in it as a joke.

Here a question kinda comes natural... how does he eat?

Edited by Dinian 556, 27 March 2014 - 01:26 AM.

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#6
Converge

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Awesome idea Dinian 556,

This is exactly what we are lacking of, great stories behind our characters, it is a MMO game. I will add mine's later on. Interesting stories of everyone's above.
xTYRANTx - EU2

#7
Ruastin

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Born and raised in the Financial District of San Paro, Ruastin Avulari was your average kid. he attended school, kept his grades up, and played on the football team. Life was good, and he loved the simple life style.After high-school Ruastin became a wreck, falling into the criminal lifestyle, he started small... Petty theft and robbery lead to his first arrest at the age of 19. Jail time changed the way he thought, everyday they talked about rehabilitation and becoming what he hated most... an "Cop". Over time this though of hatred to them changed, he began to take the weekend to practice his shooting and train, joining the SPPD at the age of 25.

He spent 6 years on the force, one of their best officers until it happened... it was a normal day the same route and coffee shop as always, then after his coffee it all went black. Next thing he knew he was laying on the ground with 6 dead civies around him. The rounds traced to his pistol and of course no-one believed his story... Yet a few months in Prison and he was out, called to service with a choice... Rot in Prison or join the Enforcers. He signed up with W.A.S.P. an extremely specialized Enforcer group revolving around what he liked most, tactics. Ruastin is now 36 and over the years he has slowly been making a name for himself in both the Enforcer media and the criminal underground... Only time will tell if this if good or bad.


Screenies!
Officer Ruastin Avulari
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WASP Senior Operator Ruastin

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Side note of this, noticed a nice ram raider in my district and needed the Tutorial for it
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Edited by Ruastin, 27 March 2014 - 02:23 AM.

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#8
LilyV3

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Thanks!
I loved the humor in your story, nice work. ^^
...and don't worry about the language barrier. I'll value the creativity and the ideas in the story, not so much the form.


Here a question kinda comes natural... how does he eat?


purée the food and drink ti through the filter part with a drinking straw.
I just don't want to imagine how he looks like after having like 3 colds and some sneezes *urgh*
after a long time he should still be able to take off the mask, since cells on top of your hide to die off and drop off. But this may take a while ^^
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Who is Lily and Honey Lily (ღ˘⌣˘ღ) ♫・*:.。. .。.:*
Check out her Music (different genres): Lily Lily - Burning Night Scarlet Rose Dead End
百合の咲く丘で Sacrifice

#9
Pachi3080

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Thanks!
I loved the humor in your story, nice work. ^^
...and don't worry about the language barrier. I'll value the creativity and the ideas in the story, not so much the form.


Here a question kinda comes natural... how does he eat?


Actually, he can't. All his nutrition comes by liquid, through a little hole in the gas mask filter. He cries every time he see a Pizza.
(That's why he is so slim)

EDIT

purée the food and drink ti through the filter part with a drinking straw.
I just don't want to imagine how he looks like after having like 3 colds and some sneezes *urgh*
after a long time he should still be able to take off the mask, since cells on top of your hide to die off and drop off. But this may take a while ^^


Pretty much that, lol

Edited by Pachi3080, 27 March 2014 - 06:46 AM.

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#10
dustybarrell

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Dusty's Story:

Dusty always wanted to be a cop, since he was born he drove with his father in their Dolton Fresno. His Father was a high member of the CSA's Secret City Protectors. After fighting off loads of drugs-dealers, he said he had enough and got his well-earned retirement. But then the day came, the gang called "the Bloodroses" stormed in and shot his father with a RSA. He was dead, but Dusty wasn't scared, he knew what his father always told him. Fight till the end of your life. So he did, he took his father's ACT 44. After doing some research he got to know where the Bloodroses where stationed and so he drove there and used his father's ACT44 to take out a whole crew of Bloodroses. But the one who murdered his dad wasn't there. He is still looking and will not stop till that one person is dead.

Since that horrible day Dusty is doing all he can to shut down the crime wich is taking place in San Paro. It wil be his duty, just like his father, to defend the city from all that is bad. He still likes driving cars, but now he prefers the modern rides. With his Vaquero he roams the streets looking for crimes taking place, so he can revenge his father.

(Pictures coming soon)

#11
Dinian 556

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Nice going Dusty and Ruastin. ^^

Now i'l really looking forward to see how these character will develop later on. ^^

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#12
MondaysSuck

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Mondayssucks story (crim )
They(mondays and his brother ) where raised by a broken family . Or they say they where . Theyr mother died in a bank heist when monday was 5 years old and his father started drinking ... blaming himself for the accident . When Monday turned 15 he realized that his father was in a depth . 10 K to be precise .
One day when walking back from school he found a gun - A big patootie Revolver . He took it and was about to get back home when he saw a house door opened and someones arm on the ground .He went inside to take a closer look ... He saw 3 guys standing near 5 corpses and a bag of cash near them . Suddenly one noticed him ... Aimed his gun at him ... Monday took out his revolver and shot him first ... Bang ... His brains blew out . The other 2 guys quickly took theyr ntecs and began to shot ... The kid waited until they had to reload and then ... Bang ... The second guys chest turned red and he went down . The third tried to escape but then ... Bang ... Monday shot him in the leg ... Still socked what he has done grabbed the bag and an ntec ... Putted both guns in the bag and ran home . Once he left the house he saw the mob ... Or bloodroses as they call themselves . One guy aimed at him but a woman stopped him ... went inside ... looked around ... when back outside and asked the kid '' Did you do this ?'' . And Mondays answered '' y-y-ye-yes madam '' . She then asked him again '' Why did you do this ? '' . He told her : for the money . The ordered him to get in the car . She took him to theyr hideout . And introduced him to some people and asked : '' You want to be something bigger ? Do you want money , cars , and girls ? Do you want to be in the bloodroses ? . His answer was simply yes .
A couple of hours later he was home . And his father asked whats in the bag ? . And his son replied '' my future '' .

NOOBIES NEED TO LEARN

DONT YOU EVER KICK EM


#13
mccoy

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TURBOFAPMODEYEAA's story:

TURBOFAPMODEYEEA was born in ukraine and at the age of 19 was framed by government officials for a political crime she did not commit! she was sentenced to an all female prison where the lesbian, female wardens took many liberties and made the girls do things... anyway she escaped to america. in america TURBOFAPMODEYEEA decided to go to the financial district and pursue a university degree, specifically she is an english major. however she knew know one and had no money but is currently paying for her degree by being a stripper by night.

TURBOFAPMODEYEEA however witness the terrible violence in the war between the enforcers and crims for to long on her way home from dancing. she enlisted in the enforcers (but never has time to change cause shes a stripper and needs to pay for college degree) to fight crims. she however is very bad at fighting but discovered that she could kill crims and surrender and that when she did the crims finding her too attractive to harm would only spank her for a few hours. TURBOFAPMODEYEEA has 3 semesters before she earns her college degree.

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Edited by mccoy, 29 March 2014 - 11:30 PM.


#14
im only good at ERPvP

im only good at ERPvP

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[Redacted]


Edited by im only good at ERPvP, 16 March 2017 - 10:26 PM.

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Just some dumb silver
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#15
Dinian 556

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Copied over from the other thread.


Yeah, that's perfectly fine.
This thread is based on the old one, after all. If I created a new was for the sake of structure and simplicity.

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#16
Androy

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//copy from RavenBlade's thread

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-Name: Andrew ''Shadow'' Evans
-Nickname: Andoy
-Age: 27
-Faction: Enforcer
-Favourite weapons: JG-1140 / Joker CR-5 Spec Ops
-Favourite Vehicle: Patriot Jericho V8 Twin turbo



Andrew Evans was born on the outskirts of Waterfront in the beautiful city of San Paro. His father, a car mechanic and owner of a popular gas station and his mother a teacher at the local school. He had a normal, happy life but all happy things come to an end eventually.

He doesn't remember a lot from that day and he likes to keep it that way, the memories would only add useless sorrow and hatred to his life................

It was a beautiful night in Waterfront. But suddenly the dark night got light up brightly by something, a giant fire inferno coming from one of the houses, the Evans house. Andrew wakes up in his room, filled with smoke and fire and to the noise of a fire axe bashing trough his door. The next thing he know he was in a hospital bed.

He got saved, only left with some slight burns on his face, but for his parents they didn't make it, fate had other plans for them. An electrical equipment malfunction caused the fire that's what officials said, but rumours were going around that a local gang was trying to make a name for themselves, so they might be involved in this., who knows.

That day changed him a lot and threw his life upside down. He dropped out of school and was mostly spending his time in his uncle's apartment in Financial playing video games all day. His uncle was an army general, the majority of his time spending abroad, so Andrew had his apartment for himself. His uncle didn't like how Andrew spent his time so he encouraged him to get a job at a nearby mechanic so he at least does something productive.

But Andrew wasn't the only one that changed, San Paro changed too. The once calm and peaceful city was sinking deeper and deeper into crime and corruption. Gangs fighting it out to be the king of the streets and two groups were at the peak of this, The G-Kings and the Bloodroses.

Working on cars was good to him; he could get his head free of thoughts and just focus on his work. He didn't have to deal with customers and mommy like that so the work was relaxing to him. One day a special customer came to the garage. He wanted some work done on his Patriot Vegas G20, not a big deal, but he invited Andrew to his club. Who this person is? Well nobody knows who he truly is, he is just known as "Blade", the leader of the San Paro underground race club.

Andrew began racing, street racing to be exact. With the help of Blade he got his hands on a Patriot V20 Jericho and made it race worthy. Soon he was known as one of the top heads of the club and street racing became more and more popular with every race. Of course the Bloodroses didn't want to get left out of the picture, so they challenged Blade to a race, a drag race. It was Blade against Bugsy, a top racer from Blodroses, a lot of money was thrown in to this race and the winner would take it all. The race started, Blade got a good start and went ahead of Bugsy, but not for long, because suddenly, BOOM, a loud explosion ripped Blades car to pieces until just a fireball of hot metal was left rolling down the track. That giant fireball remembered Andrew on something, yes, on that day he wanted to forget so badly.

The race was rigged by the Bloodroses obviously. They denied all claims against them and simply took off with the money. The situation escalated, the club members wanted revenge, and the Bloodroses were trying their best to silence every one of them. It became a blood coloured war. Andrews uncle didn't like how thing started to evolve, so he send him to a military academy in the heart of Los Banos. Better be there then lie dead on the street he said.

Andrew left his past behind, started anew and entered the academy with the codename "Shadow". He worked and trained hard, and became the best of his class, with experienced knowledge of firearms and hand to hand combat. Shotguns fascinated him the most so they became he's primary weapon. After he finished he's schooling to become the best, he decided to go back to San Paro, or to the mommyhole that it now was. He joined the Praetorians to help with the fight against crime. With his trusty JG shotgun he served cold justice to the criminals and quickly became well known in San Paro as one of the best in the Praetorians. "Hiding in the shadows, waiting to strike you down". Nobody knew who he truly was, and it was good so.

The government got wind of his amazing success rates so they transferred him to ESD a special purpose unit. Only the best were in there, they take place in high risk operation that require a 100% success rate. Shadow now changed to a more tactical style, with his Joker CR-5 Spec ops edition, shooting down his targets with precise accuracy and silence.



"He may be a new person on the outside, but his past still follows him around like a shadow."

Edited by Androy, 31 March 2014 - 11:32 AM.

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#17
IronSparrow

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(Okay, here goes. Be mercyful about my english, it's not my native language and I'm still learning.
Ramses Erikson kindly gave me permission to use him as a part of the story.)


IronSparrow's Story

IronSparrow lived her childhood with her father in SanParo's Waterfront. Waterfront was a miserable slum back in the day. Her daddy Roy kept a little restaurant and Iron helped he sometimes after to the shcool.

Iron doesen't remember much about her mother Lily. Lily lost her babyboy when Iron was only two years old. Lily newer got over it and started to take psychopharmaceuticals. When Iron was three she finally killed herself. Roy was a nice and jolly goodhearted person, but he had no time to be with Iron.

Unfortunately Roy was also a gambler.

IronSparrow was only 13 when she lost everything in her life.

One day after shcool IronSparrow went to her daddys restaurant. When she had just stepped in she heard her daddy's voice crying and begging for mercy. Iron sneaked quietly to the kitchen's door. She saw her daddy on his knees on the floor. Unknown man in pinstripe suit pointing Roy with a gun.

”We both know that you can't pay your gambling depts. So, I'll take your miserable life, and then I'll take this place.”

The gun went off three times and Iron let out a short scream.

The man saw Iron by the door and smiled. Iron stood there and couldn't move. She stared the man in fear. The man took all bullets out of the gun, wiped it clean and threw it at IronSparrow. Instinctively She catched the gun. And that was a mistake.

The man came to the door and catched Iron. He dragged her in to the kitchen. The man beated and ****d Iron. Then he put a handcuffs on her and left her on the floor.
Iron was shocked. Soon she heard sirens from the sreets. She tried to escape but cops foud cuffed little girl in no time.
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IronSparrow was prosecuted for murdering her father. Nobody listened her story. No one didn't know she was ****d since Iron didn't dare to say anything about it.

The case seemed quite clear: IronSparrow's father beat her up and Iron shoot him as revenge. Her fingerprints were found on the gun. In the courtroom Iron saw the same suit and realized he was a policeofficer. The man gave her a smile.

In that moment IronSparrow swore in her mind: ”One day I will pay back everything. With interests!”

They put IronSparrow in youth prison. She learned how to survive and she found some friends. When Iron was 17 she broke out of there with couple of her friends.

Around Baylan Shipyards she met a nice retired gangster called Ramses Erikson. Ramses took her under his protection and tought her everything about weapons and how to work as an assassin.
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Time went on and when IronSparrow was ready, she went after the pinstripe suit and killed him. She got her revence but she didn't enjoy it much.
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Today IronSparrow is like anybody else. She owns a little clothing store and sells some nice works of art.
But she lives a double life. Iron hates all kinds of unfairness and therefore she hunts down the people who use their power wrong. She tries to protect the defenceless people and keeps on paying back for them.

Everyone she kills deserves to be killed.

#18
Dinian 556

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I love how Pachi and Sparrow put illustrations to go along with the story. And not just an screenshot to show their characters but images actually depicting some key moments from the story. Very clever.

When it comes to picking the winner i'll focus on the content of the story alone, however, i'm all for supporting creativity so i'll encourage this: keep the illustrations coming, folks! ^^

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#19
Strado

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/reserved for my little story :)

| Aoyari - Crim - Citadel | Stradz - Crim - Citadel  | Strad - Enf - Citadel | Strado - Enf - Jericho |

Strad's Rides

 

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#20
Thehidden-Tember

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Tember always had a frail body.
When she was young, she was the shy type, never having any enemies, but also never making any friends. Always the lone wolf.
And she was bored.
She grew up in a comfortable background, devoid of violence. Her knack for technology made her chose engineering studies, and she became specialized in system optimization. Vacuum cleaners, electrical tools, cars; everything that went through her hands worked better. Because of that she was too nerdy to befriend any girl, and still too shy to be interested in guys.
And she was bored.

At some point in time she tried military service. This is where she met her boyfriend. She was desperate trying to learn how to aim, but her weak arms would keep shaking. He offered his advice, his kindness, his love, and then the most amazing invention of mankind: Valzipram tablets. She became addicted to the stuff, as it always solved all of her problems.
No more shaking arms.
No more getting knocked out in CQC training.
No more military service…….. yeah that was kind of unexpected but because of that addiction, she got kicked from the military. She ditched her boyfriend, and got back to her usual civilian life.
Oh, and did I mention she was bored?

Then one night, she was walking outside, thinking about the meaning of life and other useless things, when she saw some girl getting mugged. She tried to intervene, but the thug suddenly pulled out a snubnose revolver in a fraction of a second and pointed it at her. Tember was terrified and didn’t know what to do.

And then time slowed down.
She saw the guy pull the trigger.
The gun got jammed.
She jumps on him.
Both roll on the street.
A car coming by rams both of them by accident.
The gun falls near her arm.
She notices that the barrel is slightly misplaced.
The thug is standing up.
He looks kind of wounded, but I am fine.
He’s taking a knife out
He’s going to kill me.
What do I do? What do I do?

And then time started speeding up again. As she was on the ground, all her life flashed before her eyes. The last image she saw was one of that prick of a boyfriend.

She shot 4 times. The thug was dead.

Later on, at the police station, she explained what happened. The other cops were looking at her as if she was crazy.
“Do you have any idea who that guy was? “
“He was notorious for his exceptional accuracy, but you won in a gunfight.”
“You got very lucky”
“Hey, girl, I like you, wanna join the Stabba Cops?”

And so, she joined a bunch of idiots called the Stabba Cops. And they became her whole life. She soon came to realize that she was the brains of her team, always surrounded by freaking ninjas who had no problems jumping off a 3-store building if it meant being able to stun a criminal unexpectedly from behind. Good thing she had her Valzipram, and could resist the Stabba Cop’s best friend and worse enemy: cars. She became renown for her strategical planning, devious tactics, and insane luck.
She was no longer bored, and found her own little place in life.

Later, she would ditch the Stabba Cops to join WASP inc, The Warfare Activities Specialist Protection.
She would become a weapon modifying expert, able to use all weapons with the highest efficiency.
Except the gosh darn Colby M-1922, she never managed to find a use for that uncontrollable thing.
But that, in itself, is another story.

Edited by Thehidden-Tember, 10 April 2014 - 01:46 AM.

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#21
Thehidden-Tember

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Tember's story is up :D
Maybe I should add pictures or something.

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http://gamejolt.com/...duel-king/21289


#22
Dinian 556

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Remember that you have until the end of this week to write a story if you haven't done it already.
Then i'll be choosing the winner.

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#23
Word2

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'God bless catastrophe', fact Miranda Varas realized after few years of living as a car thief, working for one of most notorious street gangs called Whispa. When the only thing you can do is messing things up, San Paro is hell of a job opportunity.
Even most street thieves never actually join anything bigger and prefer performing on their own, Miranda knew what she wants to achieve ever since she saw N3 report on riots in her neighborhood on the TV. And since criminal lifestyle was already accepted by medias as some kind of twisted fashion, the more she wanted to take a part.
Good thing she had family member out there. Cousin Uzi, who already made her name in gang called Blood Roses put a good word to Tyron Sennet, who gave Miranda basic criminal equipment as well as first weapon, old STAR 556.
Anyway, Roses didn't want to accept some criminal newbie, neither did G-kings, another glam gang running San Paro downtown, so Miranda stared her career on Green street, working for local Whispa crew.
When you try to work your patootie up, old fashioned gangs are great to start with. Less politics and more action. Being that far from downtown, you didn't have to worry about ideology bullshoot.
Miranda was doing good enough not to get her killed. Figure things out, make a deal with opposition, that's what crime is all about. Shooting comes as the last option.
Later she taught about successful carjacking. That was Miranda's breaking point. With a lot of practice and patience, she was soon able to steal almost any car in no time. Uzi told her Roses are running illegal racing tournaments in Waterfront.
Doors to criminal top league were open.
Miranda met Jeung, formal Roses leader on one party in Beltane. After few drinks they made a deal. You will get us cars, we will get you gear.
During one theft she got together with Tamara Gryaznova, G-kings sniper from MechDemon division, who was providing her cover on her actions since then. After CSA was passed and things got bit more serious, Miranda realized most of Roses are just a bunch of posers who can't take real action. High-fed rockstars who live up from their criminal celebrity image. Truth is they paid small fortune for each car she delivered.
These days Miranda works for Arlon Benjamin's cause and his revolutionary crew. Was informed about Jane Derren and her enforcers, as well about Luke Waskawi, and his plans on taking city back. Never actually met him and probably never will, but as long she has cover for profiting from surrounding chaos, she is up for anything.
God bless catastrophe. Chiro's ink has already soaked in.

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         Dennis Tahdella  Bridgette  Word2  Jenz Kempington  Tamara Gryazneva

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#24
IHaveNothingToSay

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The Story of Emelda Dulcina.

She was born in the outskirts of San Paro. In the mighty family of the Dulcinas. Her father was a entrepreneur, billionaire and industrialist.
She grew up having nothing to worry about. Going to private schools. Her desire for self-wort and need to get noticed grew with the years so much, that the had the need to go and search for herself in the world. Away from her family.

After searching for several years she came to the conclusion to enlist in the army. She was one of the rapidly improving cadets in there. As one they called "Mule" saw her potential, he invited her to his little Mercenary group. Doing several high ranking missions in several countries she was assigned to a mission to the highly dangerous Amazonas.

The mission to the jungle sadly went high-wire. As they dropped into the forest 7 of 10 soldiers got dead. They did not know what hit them. As 2 of the last companions of her slowly died of some sort of poison they got from a unidentified animal she herself got stung from a plant.
She had the most terrified trip of 2 days under the drug. She even fought some panters or tigers in there. She is not sure about that, but she almost lost her eye and has many marks on her body of that ferocious battle. She once even thought that she killed the 2 remaining soldiers. The trip did not leave her without some serious mental problems. Once in a while she has the feeling that something takes over her body and just goes rampant. Killing everything and everyone. Sometimes its just a minor twitch.

As she came back from the mission heavily scarred. Mule against all others specialist took her in and set her up in his unit once again. Now she is a enforcer in San-Paro. Against all of her flaws she has gotten pretty good in dispatching some criminal patootie. She has even been the leader of the organisation called C.E.F. (Criminal Elimination Force). But has her mental state became ever so out of balance she left that post.

She is now a member in the illusive group of Mongoose 4. She has gotten a nick in designing. And in there she can improve in her desire to get noted and to get better in the designing world. She also has a eye for explosives. "There's nothing better in the morning than the fresh smell of TNT" she says. Everything that goes boom and gets the bodys fling, gets a glare in her eye.
Oh and if you see her driving. Get the hell out of there. Shes ether going to blow you up or run you over. Not considering if you are friend or foe. Or a fire hydrant. Those damn fire hydrants... and tigers... that J.U.N.G.L.E.


J.


Edited by Jammerotard, 28 March 2015 - 02:55 PM.

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#25
Dinian 556

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She once even thought that she killed the 2 remaining soldiers. The trip did not leave her without some serious mental problems. Once in a while she has the feeling that something takes over her body and just goes rampant. Killing everything and everyone. Sometimes its just a minor twitch.


Shes ether going to blow you up or run you over. Not considering if you are friend or foe.


O_O

Please, somebody remind me to run a psychological check-up next time i'm hiring someone.

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#26
heysie

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-reserved-

( yeah im to late i know ^^ )

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#27
Dinian 556

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-reserved-

( yeah im to late i know ^^ )


Hurry up then. =P

I'm still a bit busy with moving to the new place, so this can buy a day or two to anyone who hasn't posted yet.
However, I've already started reading trough all entries in order to pick a winner, so i'll make my announcement pretty soon. ^^

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#28
Dinian 556

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Alright folks, time has come to make the call.
It wasn't easy to pick a winner, as a lot of stories had something i greatly enjoyed.

Before i name the winners, here's some pointers and comments on those that got my attention most (note: if i don't mention your story here, it doesn't mean it was bad, but just that i haven't quite figured what advice and suggestions i can offer)

As mentioned before, Pachi's humor was a very nice touch and his use of screenshot to illustrate the story was definitely clever. Also, i liked how the story was simple and straight to the point. What it could have used was some more hints about the character's personality.

Mccoy's story of Turbofamode was also hilarious, although the joke is all on the concept of the character itself rather than the situations. I hope to see some of that expanded in the next ones.

From Monday's story i liked the exchange of words at the end. You do seem to be much better at writing dialogues than situations and events. If i were you, i'd consider focusing more on the dialogues and eventually write it more like a script.

Kudos to Ironsparrow for the excellent illustrations: you really went out of your way to make sure the screens would fit perfectly the grim atmosphere of your story. It was a very good one, but here's a narrative advice: if you place a certain emphasis on some details (i.e. the kind of abuse she suffered, you mentioned it at least twice), then you're building up for something extra dramatic to happen as a consequence (i.e. pregnancy or some peculiar and hindering psychological conditions. The will for revenge was already more than justified by all the rest she's been trough). The reader will expect something to happen related to it and, if it doesn't, if feels like your story hasn't tied up all the loose ends.

Tember also had a good humor and very consistent all trough the story. Nice job. I would suggest, for the future ones, to try to make them feel less schematic (story kinda felt like stage 1, stage 2, stage 3...), also be careful about the cause-consequence correlation. For example: in your story you introduced a loving boyfriend, then, next time we read about him, he gets ditched for being a prick. As a reader, i feel like a piece of the puzzle is missing. There's no need to be overly detailed, something like "she later realized he was actually a prick" (even in a more subtle form) would have been sufficient, just to connect the two things.

Emelda's story kinda makes me think of Far Cry 3 and all the drug-induced hallucinations the protagonist goes trough. I'm not sure if that was the impression you wanted to deliver tho. In any case, I think the bit of story int he jungle could have used a bit more details. It was the episode that changed your character, so it was worth spending a few more line to describe this change.


And the winner is...

AshleyNeko

The first part of the story was actually a bit overly-detailed. There's a lot being told that didn't strike me as necessary: two lines about how she joined the army first, got her callsign and then moved on to a PMC for the sake of less red-tape would have been enough.
Things, however, get good and interesting when she comes back in San Paro. Her story blends in well with the APB lore and her dissatisfaction is developed at a good pace. Nice twist by the end and one that truly makes her a most interesting character.
Good work!


Now Ashley, you get the to chose what the next story will be about.

I personally encourage to stick to the character you've already introduced, as i'll take into consideration the character's evolution. This is not strictly necessary anyway, however, it can give a reason for those who haven't written their Round 1 story yet, to still do so even if they can't win.

Thanks to all who took part. ^^

Edited by Dinian 556, 02 May 2014 - 07:15 AM.

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#29
AcePoke

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Ace Hunt's older sister, born and raised in the Praetorians. Jenny is a thinking to much about - bold new ideas, fresh forward-thinking of the Praetorians, and to watch them come true . Jenny dosen't care about the city act - Screwing up the criminals she just wanted revenge; Skyler Blood had killed her mother she swore to that very day that she would seek all criminals and put them in the lock up. She looked up to her uncle Danko she loved what he did later in the years when he got older Jenny Hunt thought she could take a spot in the force so she did. After a couple months she had seen all the criminals ramming the stores,killing civilians, and Tagging the San Paro. She said to her uncle Danko "It's our City,San Paro. Time to start taking it back. Jenny had done all she could and started recruiting some people,making enemies, and arresting criminals. She had earned her way to the top assisting Ernst 'Mule' Templeton, the others like Devil Dog, Aletta Cadagan, and Orlenz started to notice she had soon came to realize that she meant something and could stop this once and for all. Later on in the years she started to arrest high threat criminals like Gumball,Birth, and Tiptoe, though they kept escaping it did make a difference. When Jenny shot a civilian she left for a couple years hiding in the shadows when she came out it was like she was reborn. She was knows as Shaddic "Scout"
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#30
AcePoke

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I did this for fun :D
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#31
kukki

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Excellent thread, I'll certainly participate in the next round.

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#32
IronSparrow

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Thank you Dinian.
I appreciate your feedback.
It was interesting learning experience to come up with something in foreign language. :computerbrain:

#33
Dinian 556

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Thank you Dinian.
I appreciate your feedback.
It was interesting learning experience to come up with something in foreign language. :computerbrain:


You're welcome.

As i said i don't mind much the form and I'll turn a blind eye on typos, grammar mistakes or if a sentence doesn't sound all that elegant to me. After all, I'm not an English native speaker myself.

I'll focus instead on the narrative content.
I'm no best-selling novelist or literature professor, so always take my feedback with a grain of salt, but i do know something about storytelling, hoefully enough to offer helpful advice to those interested in improving their narrative skills.

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#34
Goldtiger

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#EvenThoughWinnersAlreadyAnnounced
Terrence Edward Golden's Story ( AKA Golden[+2001ingame])

Terrence grew up with his brother, Darren, currently a disabled enforcer, with only his dad taking care of them. Terrence`s mother died from a cop shooting her when she was grabbed by a criminal, pointing his gun at her head. This instance made Terrence angry, and he hated his father and brother, for his father was a cop, and his brother desired to follow his father's footsteps. However, Terrence wanted to fight the law and do as he wanted in the hood. He then started smoking in High School, and quit his habits straight after being expelled from High School. He however, did sell drugs and participate in drug deals to make cash for his future life. Once Darren and Terrence were ready to move out, they both traveled to San Paro to get their jobs, yet Darren knew he wanted to be a cop. Terrence went on with criminal activity, and Darren was one day told that his brother was a criminal, and that they wanted him to arrest him, Darren made a choice. He ran Terrence out, and let him escape. Terrence was never seen by Darren again.

A few months after, Terrence was tested by Shift to rob a bank, and was given a STAR 556 and an Obeya FBW. That day, he robbed the bank, bringing back 100s of gold, giving him the name of Golden. The bank robbery and even more criminal activity left to the City Security Act being launched, and Golden made his way up to the top dog. Thus, that's how Golden started out his criminal days.

Edited by Goldtiger, 29 April 2014 - 05:58 PM.

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#35
Dinian 556

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Looks like Ashley is not really that active on the forums, so, while she still holds the title of winner of the first round, in order to get things moving i'll have the second place to chose the theme for the next round.

IronSparrow, please make your call. ^^

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#36
IronSparrow

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Oh. I just noticed this. I'll get back to this very soon. Maybe tonight.

#37
IronSparrow

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Round 2

What is the reason to wake up and keep on fighting day after day?

What motivates your character to live, fight and die? Is it someone or something? (love, ism, dreams, hopes or wealth) Will your character ever achieve it? Tell us about it.



#38
Dinian 556

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Round 2

What is the reason to wake up and keep on fighting day after day?

What motivates your character to live, fight and die? Is it someone or something? (love, ism, dreams, hopes or wealth) Will your character ever achieve it? Tell us about it.


It might work, but it'll take some extra effort to answer it with a story.
I mean, this is a very interesting question but more fitting of a sort of "interview with the character", while i'd recommend trying to stick with something that would evoke an episode of the character's life and tell a tale of what happened.

I'll let you change it if you want, Sparrow, or, if you prefer, i'll launch round two with this theme. ^^

Edited by Dinian 556, 02 May 2014 - 11:05 AM.

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#39
Goldtiger

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Name: Terrence Edward Golden (AKA Golden)

Golden only had a dream of doing whatever the hell he wants to do. That's his soul purpose of living. He always hated how cops acted like they're the leaders of the cities. He wishes San Paro, at least, could be ran by the criminals, and cops could suffer and die a painful death. Love was never a dream for golden. He best wanted his own power in the world... not Hitler power, but just power over specific people. He probably will never be able to achieve his goal, but regardless, he will definitely fight for his power in the world. He hates the fact that enforcers are the cool ones, and have power but are still respected. Vice versa for golden's kind, sadly.

Golden may never achieve his goal of happiness, all because of the CSA and the enforcers.

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#40
IronSparrow

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It might work, but it'll take some extra effort to answer it with a story.
I mean, this is a very interesting question but more fitting of a sort of "interview with the character", while i'd recommend trying to stick with something that would evoke an episode of the character's life and tell a tale of what happened.

I'll let you change it if you want, Sparrow, or, if you prefer, i'll launch round two with this theme. ^^



I think i get to your point. I may need your help here. If you have any idea how to make this better, please feel free to do so.

HELP ME!!! :nailbite:



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